The space underneath the chair

Year 1 she cries

Year 2 she throws a fit

Year 3 she runs from the room

Year 4 she screams as she sits in my lap

Year 5 ...  She finds safety only in the space underneath a chair.  Temperature not taken, blood pressure not taken and the doctor on hands and knees checking her ears and eyes.

It's a routine yearly check up.  There is no immunization scheduled just your basic check up for school. No big deal to most kids and no big deal to Mom.  But for my princess the anxiety got to be so much that she could only find solace under a chair.  When the chair was removed she crawled under the chair I was sitting in grabbed both legs and wouldn't let go.

I have to check myself at this point - my patience weighing thin.  What do I do?  How do I comfort her and still get the appointment over with?  Thankfully, I did not have to make such a hard decision.  Abby's pediatrician got down on the floor (in her dress) and commenced the exam.

In these moments counting to 10 and taking deep breaths and stepping back is so hard for me to do.  I have learned that in these moments I am tested.  Tested as much as she is.  It is a no win.  Her pediatrician says "maybe it is time for Abby to see a development pediatrician" and I agree.

I took the info the doctor gave me in to therapy this morning.  The report from her OT is that Abby had a hard time visually today.  Her SLP reported that she was ok during speech.  They are in agreement with her pediatrician - things are getting harder.  This just confirms my fears.  

I am at the point where I do not know what is behavior and what is anxiety/SPD.  I do not know how to be mom and therapist.  How do you prepare for these moments?  How do discipline when you don't know the cause?

Somedays I wish I could crawl underneath that chair with her...